The Corellian Company

Episode III.XVI

HK-MP5-G3-11 Memory log:

Meatbags return from consorting with some Rebel leader they really liked. Apparently sold off a perfectly good gun, but whatever. They have decided to pay a visit to this Rahm Kota because the meatbags have trust issues. Hilariously, they get conscripted into the Rebel army and have to go through boot camp. It was rather tedious, but I do enjoy watching them suffer. They let me tag along, the running was entertaining, this Jedi Denjo is kind of a sad physical specimen, really. The Climbing wall was definitely not designed for droids, and neither was the hurdle course. They had to replace all the hurdles I broke, and their stupid climbing wall has several fist shaped holes in it now.

Funny story, towards the end of camp we were out for another run and this Denjo just wasn’t going to make it. Three months of training and this sad sack of meat can’t keep up. He just about passes out and falls to the ground, the Drill Instructor meatbag is going off, making me so glad I can control the volume on my mic input. This occasioned what is now one of my top ten favorite memories. The DI allowed a couple of us to come back and assist the poor, weak little Jedi. I got to go back and pick him up by the scruff of his neck and drag him back to a bench. I will forever treasure the image of that sweaty, gasping Jedi wriggling helplessly while I drag him along and unceremoniously dump him on a bench. I sincerely look forward to the day he has to run from some Stormtroopers, and they just run up behind him and kick his legs together. Warms my circuits so much, I’m thinking of doing that myself.

After boot camp, they were deemed worthy of being cannon fodder. Can’t argue with that assessment. We were tasked with a “clandestine” mission to retrieve a shipment of Bacta from a tightly guarded system. Basically, I had to leave my cannon on the ship :*(

We had to kidnap this captain to piggyback on his ship into the system. This meant we couldn’t kill him, apparently. That’s the problem with Jedi, they always have to do it the hard way. Denjo used some stupid Jedi trick to send the guy to bathroom where Squad Leader Skyron(!!) and I were waiting. Funny side note, I’ve had this blaster pistol for 20 years, and just now discovered it has a Stun setting. How useless! I knock him out, we start to haul the sack of meat off, and his pants drop. Skyron decides, in his infinite wisdom, to use the Force to pull them back up. I don’t mind getting a little meatbag on me, I just prefer it to be blood. And it was amusing to make the Squad Leader do it.

We drag him through the bar and back to his ship without incident. This group is pretty good at overall deception. We’ve got him tied up and they decide to use charm tactics before letting me talk to him with my blaster. Gweedo has a friendly chat with the good captain, but I make sure I’m visible and carefully making sure everything on my blaster is working. His arms would look great hanging up in my room. I may have said that out loud. The Captain comes around to our way of thinking, and we head out to pick up the Bacta. Sidenote: Why the hell doesn’t this ship have any guns? Who the hell flies around un-armed in this Universe?

We arrive in system and meet up with a bunch of Tie Fighters on escort duty. We’re in the only space-faring vessel they don’t have to be afraid of, an un-armed transport. Not nervous at all. The Captain has a brief moment when asked to punch in the codes, but calms down and puts in the correct ones. This may or may not be related to me standing immediately adjacent to him with my blaster out and flipping it from the kill setting to the stun setting and back again. We get to the port, and there’s a tense moment when we get off the ship as these clowns are on Wanted lists everywhere and we all had to don disguises. It worked, though, we got the initial paperwork signed off and the Bacta starts getting loaded on.

Apparently this captain has friends here who want to hang out, but of course, we can’t have that. Loading up goes smoothly and we’re quickly done. There’s another brief moment for the Captain when he’s out finishing up paperwork. Silly meatbags, so fond of their bureaucracies. It passes and we disembark. Apparently this Captain has a lot to live for, and appreciates my affinity for killing meatbags. The mission goes off without a hitch, sadly. Kota is pleased.

Too pleased. We get some time off, but it’s because we’re assigned to an assault mission with an entire battlegroup. We have the next couple weeks to get intel, get outfitted properly, and decide how we’re going to deal with the defenses in place. At least we should get to actually kill some meatbags this time. :)

In an unrelated note, I miss her.



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